Can I Get a Ruling!?!
I’m officially over public restrooms. It’s enough that for the most part restrooms are straight nasty and overwhelm your nostrils with manufactured essences from nature but you really never know who or what is going to be in there when you turn the corner (let alone when you turn you back to the entrance). Just the other day I met Eliza and The General for lunch and happen to stumble across the weirdest thing I’ve seen in years and that’s saying a lot considering I’ve witnessed my wife eat baby pooh (oh yeah all you new comers that is definitely a true storyclick here to get the low down). So, without even thinking about it I got up from my meal and ventured toward the loo. Which by the way, in Hawaii, isn’t as easy as you would think. I’m not exactly sure what the deal is but restaurants don’t seem to have to have their own bathrooms. Like the one we were at yesterday. Anyhow, I walked across the street, into the mall, made a left and entered the jon. One step in and I realized this would be no normal potty break.
First off, it’s weird enough making eye contact with another grown man while he is holding his worse half; its much weirder when that grown man has his pants down to his ankles, his shirt tucked under his chin, and is standing two feet away from the urinal, true story. It’s my belief that in most cases the weaker man is the one who looks away first. In this instance I put up a good fight but had to throw in the towel. This guy was a statue and refused to turn or look anywhere but in my eyes. Isn’t that a guy rule or something? I know when I’m drip drying the plumbing the second I harness the goods I look straight ahead until all signs point to finished. Who looks to see who is coming in the room? Who stands that far away from the urinal? Who in the hell over the age of six drops their pants to the floor and holds their shirt with their face while draining the giant?
I hate to poke fun at those less fortunate enough to be granted all with all of gods gifts, but this guy must have been a few screws short of a fully assembly shelve. The truth is, if he wanted to beat a stranger in a staring contest he found the way to beat this guy. I’m not sure where this post fits into the barbells and babies scheme of things other than a warning to just be careful. Life is like a box of chocolates folks… even with something as simple as walking into a restroom, you never know what you’re gonna get.