What Are You On?

Joes Barbell
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My first post, after about a year on the bench, was definitely a little self-deprecating.  I can’t help it.  It probably has something to do with putting my testicals in a purse and handing them to my wife.  Luckily for me she stores them on a shelf in Charli’s room so I get to see them every time I change her diapers.  Plus, if I’m to be completely honest when I cry wolf people come running.  Now that I’ve blown my cover let’s go in the opposite direction.  I’m going to try and puff up my own chest and pat myself on the toosh. 

While I’m out taking care of the DDC to do list I often strike up conversations with the help.  Why not?  They are wearing name tags and I like forming complete sentence throughout the day have nothing to do with poop.  More often than not, out of these conversations I’m often asked some flattering questions.      

1)      Are you an MMA fighter? 


Hell NO!!! Outside of playing football, I’ve only been in two fights.  One of which I was in the second grade.  The other, I was a junior in college, half into a black out, and all I recall is stumbling toward some guy and falling to the ground about halfway there.  Now I’ve been around some freys, just haven’t thrown many punches.  Looking back on my fighting career I fancy myself more of a fire starter.  What can I say, we all have a purpose.  


2)      Are you Special Forces or something? 


I actually get this one pretty often.  Especially fraternizing on military bases as often as I do.  Something about Special Forces and beards?  Someone clue me in.  Most often I tell the truth, “nope, my wife totes the camo.”  One time I actually looked at the guy asking the question, egged on by my smiling bride and replied, “What I do for the army is classified information sir.”  One of the best lines I’ve ever dropped in public.  I quickly took Mason out of the Ergo Carrier, loaded him in the car, and placed the groceries in the trunk of my all-wheel drive, ford, family special.


3)      Every now and then I’m asked; what are you on? 


This question intrigues me as I generally only walk around at about 183 pounds (funny number I know but its dead on.  While on vacation from blogging I went 6 weeks without touching a scale, eating dirty and training sporadically and the dang thing read 182.6… really).  I guess it’s a strong looking 183ish pounds.  Outside of creatine, organ meats, Haagen Dazs and whole milk I just eat meat, vegetables and common fare associated with establishing dominance.           

I take it as a compliment when asked questions like this.  My assumption is that between my beard and my toes an athletic and somewhat strong physique lies.  When I train, I train hard, and I don’t use the word train lightly.  I focus and train with specific performance centered goals in mind.  My training has never focused on ascetics but looking good naked has definitely been a by product (right hun?).  For the past three years those goals were always centered around finding my niche on a very competitive crossfit team.  While in Hawaii, I was probably as “fit” as I’ve ever been and that’s when all these great questions started to pop up.  It wasn’t easy competing and training with very high level crossfit athletes day in and day out.  Currently, I’m directing my training and coaching toward the Olympic Lifts.  I want to be the best 85kg lifter I can be while a useful amount of testosterone and skill linger in this ever aging skeleton. 

For me, the best thing anyone can do to make a change for the better regarding their physique, waist line, dress size, biceps, or belly is to get out of your comfort zone and compete.  Enter a body building show, run a 10 K (five isn’t enough), do a triathlon, throw your name in the hat at the next fundraiser at your crossfit gym.  It also doesn’t hurt to surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do and do what they do.  CrossFit has its critics and rightfully so.  Right now it’s the wild west of fitness (thanks Andy).  However, one area CrossFit has succeeded in, is creating a community that places importance on performance.  Walk into any CrossFit Gym and strike up a conversation.  More likely than not, CrossFitters talk about what athletes are doing more than what they look like. 

The results you get through competing are long lasting an addictive.  Once you begin to taste success you’ll want more and will begin to take steps in your regular day to day life to help you do more.  “Man, maybe if I eat better before the next competition I’ll place better.”  It happens, promise.  The really lucky ones go so far as to quit their jobs, find ways to raise their kids in gyms, and write dribble on a blog that no one reads.

Build a better total people, and don’t be afraid to let the world know